


Coming Home

by paperlesscrown



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Character Development, F/M, Fluff, Literary References & Allusions, RPF, Sprousehart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperlesscrown/pseuds/paperlesscrown
Summary: Cole had always wanted Lili, even from the very beginning. Now that they’re apart for 48 hours, how does he deal? A companion piece to “Tomorrow”, from Cole’s perspective.





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is my follow-up fic to Tomorrow, an RPF story based on Sprousehart. While it is based on a number of real-life events (Riverdale auditions, Comic Con 2017, Riverdale cast appearance on The Tonight Show), it is purely speculative and fictional, and was not intended to upset or offend.

* * *

2.15 am.

For the first time in months, Cole couldn’t sleep.

_This is fucking ridiculous._ He rubbed his eyes in frustration. Having endured bouts of insomnia in the past, he knew the signs of a sleepless night all too well. Tonight was sure to be one of them. He also knew that all attempts to solve it – breathing exercises, meditation, white noise, a glass of warm milk – were bound for failure.

_What am I doing wrong here?_ He’d gone to bed at a reasonable hour, well aware of the hectic schedule he was about to endure in the next 48 hours. He hadn’t opened his laptop, eliminating the temptation to edit his photos or browse Netflix. He should have been able to sleep easily. And yet here he was, awake and alert. He sighed and picked up his phone to scroll through his last few messages.

One from the fashion editor of _Hunger_ magazine. Another one from Dylan (“see you soon fucker” – Cole smiled at that). And lastly, an image from Damon that the photographer needed an honest opinion on.

But maddeningly, nothing else. He checked the time again. Her plane wasn’t due to land for at least another hour. He clicked the lock button on his phone and tossed it over carelessly to the other side of the bed. _Her_ side. It landed with a dull thump. He turned over and looked at the smoothed-over sheet, its emptiness taunting him.

Who was he kidding? He knew exactly why he couldn’t sleep. He reached over and grabbed his phone again, clicked the home button so he could see his lock screen – an image of her amongst the poppies in Antelope Valley, one he had taken himself but hadn’t put up or published online. She was pulling a silly face, her tongue sticking out, managing somehow to look ridiculous and ethereal at the same time. A small smile formed on his lips.

_Fuck. I miss you, Lils._

…

They were going to be apart for only a little less than 48 hours. Lili was leaving for New York a day earlier for some other media commitments, and Cole was going to follow after to film the Tonight Show segment with her and the rest of the gang. It wasn’t ideal, but he figured he could try and be productive while she was away.

Which worked out in theory, but not so much in practice. Because now he missed her with an intensity that overruled any sort of attempt at productivity. After many months together, he was just used to having her around - her presence, her laughter, heck, even her smell (a heady mix of mint and amber). In the time that had passed since they returned to Vancouver for Season 2 filming, they’d barely spent a day apart. In fact, ever since they met (at least officially) when they were cast for the show, he had made every effort to see her and to be with her.

Cole first noticed Lili during one of the audition rounds for _Riverdale_. She was pretty - that much was obvious. At 23 years of age, however, having already been in show business for nearly as long as he’d been alive, he was _used_ to pretty. He was constantly surrounded by it. The trick, he'd soon learn, was knowing how to distinguish pretty from interesting.

And Lili was _interesting_. He picked up on it moments after he walked into the audition waiting room, when every head swiveled around to gawk at him. Except for hers. Having been accustomed to being stared at and photographed without his consent, it intrigued him. She was sitting on the ground with her head down, her earphones plugged in and her script out on her lap, completely oblivious to the quiet storm of whispers that had erupted after his arrival (“Dude, that’s the guy from _Suite Life_.” “You sure? I thought that guy was broke and working at a restaurant.” “That was his twin, dumbass”). He decided to sit on the ground across from her. Partially to escape the stares. But mostly so he could look at her.

She looked up as he sat down. He quietly corrected his earlier presumption - she wasn’t just pretty; she was _luminous_ , all light and radiance. Her big green eyes disrupted his composure, taking him in as she gave him a small smile of acknowledgement. He knew that he was done for. He _had_ to get this girl’s number.

But she had other plans. Their brief flicker of shared connection fizzled immediately as she lowered her gaze back to her script, clearly not interested in talking. His mouth had been on the verge of starting a conversation, and he quickly closed it, feeling stupid and a little defeated. He resigned himself to reading over his own audition script. _Might as well follow her lead._

A woman with a clipboard stepped out into the waiting room. “Lili Reinhart?”

No answer. The woman repeated her call. A few more times, and still no reply. It started to get awkward. A few hopeful actresses turned this way and that, trying to see if they had the fortune of having one less person to compete against.

_Earphones_ , Cole realised with a start. He stuck out his leg and poked the girl’s foot. She looked up, startled, as he motioned for her to take off her earphones. “Hey,” he said as she pulled them out, “are you Lili?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” _Lili_. He committed her name to memory.

“I think they’re calling you.” She looked up and made eye contact with the clipboard woman, then scrambled to gather her things quickly as she realised that she’d been called up.

“Shit. Thanks for that.” She shot him a grateful look before standing up. “You’re auditioning, too?”

It struck Cole that she actually had no idea who she was. And it exhilarated him. He was a blank canvas to this Lili. He could be anyone to her. He could be _himself_.

“Uh, yeah.” He flashed her what he hoped was a charming smile.

“Cool. Best of luck.” She grinned in return, then turned to another guy who was sitting on the floor, also with his earphones plugged in. Cole hadn't even noticed him. Lili nudged him with her knee. “Hey, Iz.”

The guy pulled out his earphones. “Yeah?”

“I just got called in.” Lili beamed nervously. “I'll catch you later, okay? Let me know how you go?”

“Sure thing. Go kill ‘em, Lils.” Cole narrowed his eyes. _Lils_. The guy knew her on a nickname basis. Who the hell was this dude, anyway? He felt oddly territorial.

“Thanks. Oh, and can you please send me that picture you took of me earlier?” The guy nodded. Cole looked at him and sized him up. This ‘Iz’ didn't even have a decent camera. Whatever photo he took of Lili, Cole was betting he could take another one that was a million times better. He quietly resolved that if he's he ever met her again, he would.

Soon, another woman with a clipboard appeared and called out his name. “Cole Sprouse?” The entire room buzzed with curiosity, and quickly hushed as he stood up, making an effort to contain themselves. Cole rolled his eyes at the attempt at cool detachment. He picked up his backpack and packed his script inside.

“Hey, you're Cole?” Lili’s friend smiled up at him, and offered a handshake. Cole took it firmly. “I'm Israel. I'd say good luck, but you know, we're probably going for the same role.”

Cole laughed at that. “Hey, thanks anyway, man.” He felt a little less proprietorial. The guy was here to try out for a role, not to be a potential boyfriend. _Jesus. Relax, Cole_. They exchanged final pleasantries before Cole went in for his audition.

Later on, pleased and confident at how it went, he stepped back out into the waiting room riding on a high. It was then that he realised that Lili was most likely gone. He looked around, searching for her face, with no luck.

_Shit_. He was disappointed. He was really hoping to run into her. Maybe even take her out that very afternoon.

Strangely enough, however, he didn't feel completely hopeless. He couldn't explain it at the time, but he had a sense that he'd see her again. Some inkling of fate, or kismet. Many months later, after the cast was finalised and they were doing their first rounds of publicity, it was a conversation with Camila that clarified for him why he was so certain that their paths would cross over again.

“I mean, you were there. Didn't you pick it?” Camila said. “I knew it straightaway - THAT girl was going to be Betty. Hundred percent. You just knew it from looking at her.”

And that was precisely it. On that fateful day in the audition room, Lili was more than radiance; she was _fire_. That day, without knowing it, he'd seen her at her most passionate and determined, and it drew him in. He wanted that fire. He wanted to live in constant proximity of its warmth. No, fuck it - he wanted to _burn_.

They would meet again when Roberto called them both in for a chemistry read. She found it hilarious and embarrassing that she had no idea who he was. He, in turn, was bewildered at how quickly he fell, how swiftly he would arrive at the conclusion that he needed (not just wanted – _needed_ ) her in his life.

Cole wasted no time pursuing her. They exchanged numbers that day, and he called her later that night. They hung up at 2 am.

The rest, as they say, was history.

…

Cole checked the time again. He decided to wait until he was sure that Lili’s plane had touched down, then he would try to call her.

_This is bordering on unhinged_ , he thought to himself, shaking his head. After all, he'd literally packed her away into her Uber just HOURS before, bending down to kiss her goodbye through the open window, lingering a little too long until her driver rudely interrupted them, yelling, “She's got a flight to catch, lover boy!” Right after she left, he texted Lili, joking that she should give the guy a bad review.

She texted back. _Well he did have a point, my friend._

He replied immediately. _So did I. I was making it known through the window._

_Touché. Point taken. Remind me to give you a rebuttal next time._

Cole loved that. He lived for their banter. He found it incredibly sexy that she could keep up with him, serving barbs and wit as easily as he could. He liked making her laugh, but for some reason, he especially loved it when she would tell him point-blank when he wasn’t being funny. He found something attractive in that naked honesty, her ability to give it to him straight rather than resorting to cheap flattery. It was one of a million different reasons why he loved her.

It still unnerved him how it could have all slipped away so easily. After introducing her to his inner circle, including his brother, he thought they were a done deal. Cole thought his feelings were pretty obvious - he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he spent all his spare time with her and he had introduced her to everyone that mattered in his life. So when she started distancing herself from him, he was alarmed. It took a fateful Baz Luhrmann movie marathon at Debby’s place (and some awesome overnight spooning) to break the tension open, as she unexpectedly confronted him, asking him what he felt for her.

Cole remembered being utterly confused at the time, shocked that she hadn’t picked up on his intentions. He couldn’t think of any words that didn’t sound maudlin or cheap to his ears, so he went right ahead and kissed her. He still remembered every bit of it – her hands at his chest and his neck, his teeth catching on her lip, her breath fast and warm. They had kissed countless times since then, but that was the one he committed most immediately to memory. Not because of the quality of the kiss (which, admittedly, was top-notch), but because it let loose a wild river in him – a savage torrent of thought and emotion that made him want to protect her, dream with her, wake up to her, travel with her, do dumb stuff with her, make love to her. The depth and suddenness of it all startled him, but at the same time he wasn’t completely surprised, because she was Lili, and she was pretty fucking amazing.

Things progressed fairly quickly from then on, and the cast and crew of _Riverdale_ caught on soon enough. It was after a casual comment from Skeet on set (“Cole, where's Lili? Didn't you drive in together this morning?”) that they realised that they had to have The Conversation. The one they’d both been dreading ever since _Riverdale_ was picked up for a second season.

As fun as _Riverdale_ was, they both knew that the rowdy, camp-like atmosphere of the set merely disguised the reality that it was a job for both of them. They were working, and thus, they were co-workers. It was clear to them (to her, in particular) that they needed some personal and professional boundaries if they were going to go forward and co-exist as both lovers and work colleagues.

They were sitting in the backseat of his Jeep, parked just outside of Squamish, his head in her lap, her fingers trailing lazily through his hair. “So, do you think we have to sit everyone down and tell them?” Lili asked.

“Lili, can I be honest with you? Everyone already knows.”

Her face registered surprise. “Wait, so you're telling me Skeet wasn’t just cluelessly making assumptions? Everyone _knows_ knows?” He nodded and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you tell them?”

“No! It’s just like, one of those unspoken things that everyone’s just… assumed.”

“Oh, my god. How do you know this?”

He was quiet for a while. “Cole?” she pressed.

“Okay. People… have asked.”

“They’ve asked? Why haven’t they been asking _me_?”

“Because they know you’ll be you, and that you’ll be all coy, whereas I on the other hand - and you know this - will basically tell you anything that you ask me.”

“That’s true. You have a terrible poker face.”

“Okay, I know we’re having a serious conversation here, but allow me to digress because honour demands that I defend my name. I’ll have you know that while the saying itself is true of me – ‘cause you’re right, I can’t lie for shit – I happen to be an excellent poker player. Ask Dylan.”

“I have, and he says you’re shocking.”

“Whoa, whoa, _whoa._ HOW in the name of fraternal betrayal did you two even have that conversation?”

She giggled. “Totally beside the point. Look, can we focus on the issue here please?” She cupped his face with her hand, looking straight into his eyes. “I’m just worried, Cole. This is a big deal for me, you know. Not just _Riverdale_ , but you. Especially you.”

He smiled at her, teasing. “I’m a big deal, huh?”

She flicked his cheek. “I think you know that.”

“Would I be asking if I did?” She rolled her eyes. He poked her chin playfully. “Come on, tell me how I'm a big deal.”

She bent down to kissed him. “You're annoying, you know that?”

“Oh, without a doubt.”

“But fine. I'll indulge you anyway. You…” She paused to think. “You're a big deal because… well, you're _you_ , Cole.”

He sat up and feigned offense. “OH MY GOD, I knew it. Are you dating me because of my _fame_?”

“Can you shut up? I mean, you're…YOU. You're intelligent and funny and talented, and yeah okay, pretty damn good-looking-” He made a silly face, and she laughed. “And you're a good guy. You're a good man. And it's all just a little bit overwhelming.”

“What, for you?”

“Yeah, for me.”

“Lili, no offense, but you're an idiot. Honestly, if we weren't dating, I'd be the guy telling you to date someone else. Like, I don't know, KJ.”

“KJ!” Lili burst out laughing.

“Hey, I'm still convinced he was crushing on you at auditions.”

“Yes, you've told me. Like a million times. And that is a hill you are going to die on alone, pal.”

“Hey, whatever. You know I'm right. But… how could you even be overwhelmed? That's like… that's like the sun saying, ‘Oh look, I know I'm the centre of the galaxy and all, but I'm just a little star.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Okay, maybe that's a bad example, because our sun is actually a comparatively small star in the universe. Point is, you're a babe, Lils. You're beautiful, and insanely talented, and smart, and you're a badass. You're fucking pure --”

“Oh-hooo. ‘Pure’, huh? Is someone forgetting what happened last night?”

“Lils, _no-one_ will ever forget what happened last night. No-one in the history of mankind will ever forget what happened last night. I - wait, what the fuck was my point?”

She laughed. “I don't even remember.”

He laughed too. “Hey. C’mere.” He pulled her at the collar and drew her in for a kiss. When he pulled away to look at her, he brushed a lock of hair away from her face and held his hand there. “This is good, you know? What we have.”

“I know. Completely agree.”

“So… I don't know, I'm not super keen on the idea of hiding it away, or making a big deal out of making it, quote-unquote, _official._ ” He shrugged. “We don't have to do anything. We're just us. Me and you. I think we're perfectly capable of doing our jobs right without letting this interfere. And… if people find out, they find out.”

“Okay, and if it goes public…?”

“Then it goes public. Who cares? I mean, I'm never commenting on it. Are you? I mean, did you want to?”

“God, no.”

“So there you go.” He gave her jawline a soft kiss. “Let's just do this, you know? Be you, be me. Be us. If everyone else finds out, we’ll deal with it together. But otherwise, let the chips fall where they may.”

She looked him square in the eye. “Did you just make a _Fight Club_ reference? In the middle of our moment?”

“Yes, because godddamn I love that movie.” Mentally, he also took note of the fact that she knew _Fight Club_ quotes right off the bat, and it was incredibly sexy.

She laughed softly. “Alright then, Cole Mitchell Sprouse.”

“Alright to what?”

“To all of that. To us.” She smiled and kissed him. “Let's do this.”

…

Cole thought back to that conversation with fondness as he got out of bed and made his way to the couch, having forsworn sleep for the night. _I am seriously fucked for New York._ He swore as he stumbled and tripped over one of her strappy heels in the dark, then smiled to himself when he remembered the simple, early joys of their relationship – finding out that Lili was actually the messier one and had a habit of leaving her shoes everywhere (one time, he found one under his _pillow_ ), sneaking quick kisses around the set, walking around Vancouver hand-in-hand at midnight, when they had the least chances of being spotted.

It was a more innocent, uncomplicated time. Then Comic Con happened.

They hadn’t intended to out themselves. But at the same time, their relationship was becoming a reality that was getting harder to deny outside of their immediate circle. Neither of them was really thinking that night, and sure, he could have blamed the alcohol, but really, they just forgot to switch off the normalcy of their relationship. So when she was cold, he gave her his jacket. When they were standing together, he’d hold her hand. When he felt like it, he kissed her. When they were climbing into their car, he held onto her waist protectively.

It was Lili who got the message first. Cole felt her stir awake the next morning, which he thought strange, since she was usually the heavier sleeper. He snuggled into her back and threw his arm around her waist, his lips on the back of her neck. “What time is it?” he whispered groggily.

“Cole.”

It was the heavy, even tone of her voice that alerted him to the fact that something was wrong. His eyes opened and he turned to look at her. She handed him her phone without a word. It was text from their friend, Mad Hill.

_“Just a heads up – last night was packed with EW staff, including a friend of mine who was asking some… interesting questions. Can’t say for sure what’ll happen, but I’d keep a low profile today. Missing you two already Xx”_

Cole looked over at Lili, who looked rigid with panic. “Entertainment Weekly, Cole,” she said.

“Oh. Is that what EW stands for?” _Lame joke. Terrible. Not the time._

“Cole, be serious.”

“Lils, I'm sure it's fine.”

“How do you know it's fine?”

“I don’t know, I just --”

Her phone rang. She looked at the screen and groaned. “Jeff. _Fuck._ ” Her publicist. She threw her phone onto the bed and covered her face with a pillow. Cole looked at her for a moment, deciding she was in no state to take the call. He retrieved her phone from the sheets and answered it for her as she burrowed miserably under the covers. “Hey, Jeff, Cole here -- ah, not right now, no -- yeah we kinda heard, actually -- sure -- right -- actually, uh, is it okay if she gets back to you? -- appreciate it, man -- yeah, you too. Bye.”

Lili uncovered her face and looked at him. “What'd he say?”

“Do you want the good version or the bad version?”

She sat upright. “Bad version. Give it to me.”

“EW is doing a write-up. On us. On last night. They've already contacted Jeff for comment.” Lili closed her eyes in frustration. “He's calling to ask what you wanted him to say.”

Before Lili could react, Cole’s phone buzzed as well - a message. “It's Henry,” he said. His publicist.

“And?”

He opened the message and scanned over it quickly. “Same thing. EW got in touch with him. And People. And a bunch of other outlets.”

They were both quiet as they digested the news - Lili in paralysed alarm, Cole in resignation. It felt surreal to him to have only been asleep in bed with her moments ago, blissfully unaware of the storm gathering around them. And now, their bubble had burst, and the world was starting to spill in.

“What are we going to do, Cole?”

She sighed heavily. He took her hands in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. “Lili. Look at me.”

She raised her head, and he was startled to see tears pooling in her eyes. He had the makings of a well-crafted speech about how none of this mattered, that they would just have to lie low until it blew over, but all of that dissolved on his tongue. It broke something in him to see her this vulnerable. Of course he’d seen Lili cry before, but this was different. Because _he_ was culpable. He was implicated in those tears. Somewhere along the line, his presence in her life had contributed to them. And knowing that invoked both a fierceness and a tenderness in him. In seeing her vulnerability, he saw his own. And it was all tied up in her.

He realized then and there that he couldn’t just give her the verbal equivalent of a shrug. And that there was nothing he would have taken back from last night. Because it was real, all of it. That night, he didn’t want to leave her side, and he couldn't care less whether anyone else noticed. And he knew that he’d said that before - that he didn't care what was said about them - but this time, faced with the possibility of being publicly touted as a couple, he realised that he actually meant it.

He was silent for many moments. Lili looked at him expectantly. At last, he found the words. Of at least the word. And it wasn’t what either of them was expecting.

“Canoodling.”

If tears could be retracted, Lili’s would have rolled right back. “I’m... sorry?”

“I’m telling my publicist to use that word. Or to tell someone to use it. When they're describing… well, us. Might as well laugh about it, right? Take ownership of the narrative and all that shit.”

“‘Canoodling’, what the fuck?” Soon Lili was caught between laughing and sniffling back her tears. He'd never been so relieved to hear her laughter. “Cole, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… maybe it’s time.” He heard Lili’s soft, sudden intake of breath. “Maybe I'm okay with people knowing.”

“Are you--”

“Only if it's fine with you,” he added hurriedly.

Lili reached out and traced his eyebrow. “I mean, yeah, but… Cole, we said we wouldn’t talk about this. At least not in public.”

“I'm not saying we're talking. I'm saying that I'm okay with people knowing. There’s a difference.” He sighed. “If people say that they saw us last night, I can’t get mad at that. I _was_ with you. I _did_ kiss you. I _canoodled_ with you.” Lili chortled at that. “And if someone pipes up and says that I did all that with Lili Reinhart… well, shit, I should be so lucky, right?”

Lili smiled. “Damn right, you’re lucky.” She exhaled shakily, seeming to relax.

“Look,” he said. He cradled her face in his hands and brought it close, close enough so that he could feel her breathe. “Either way, I really don’t care. As far as I can tell, nothing changes this. Nothing changes us. So a few more people know - who gives a shit? I'm still me, and you're still you, and this is still ours. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said. And when he finally kissed her, he felt as if her lips were his ballast amidst the craziness they'd just found themselves in. He kissed her with abandon - desperately, hungrily, as if by kissing he could erase her worry, her fear, her panic. He gathered her in his arms and pulled her down until they were tangled in the sheets again, just as they were when he first woke up.

“I love you,” he said, his breath ragged as he pulled away, just briefly, just enough so he could tell her. “So fuck it. Let the whole world know.”

…

Cole ended up passing out on the couch that night, his phone in his hand. When he woke up and checked it, he realised that Lili had tried to FaceTime him. He knew there was no point in calling back – she’d already be getting ready with her style team and had a full day of press engagements ahead of her. He sent her a selfie, adding, “Look where I fell asleep.”

Three dots. She was replying. “Nice.” Then, “I miss you xx”

He groaned. How was he supposed to respond to that, when he literally could not sleep without her? He typed a few joke messages into the text box, just to mess around. “I miss you too and I’m pretty sure that re-triggered my insomnia.” “Yeah so I found out that I actually can’t sleep unless your foot does that annoying thing where it’s freezing and tries to steal my body warmth, so thanks.” “I have no idea how sleep works without you anymore, send help?”

He kept typing and deleting each one. After a while, she texted again. “Wtf are you typing, an essay?”

Cole laughed to himself. Never mind. “Nothing, just messing around.” Then, “I fkn miss you babe xx”

By the time he flew into New York, he was desperate to see her. He took the red-eye from Vancouver and arrived in the early hours of the morning, excited to wake her up, annoy her, hold her and fall back asleep. So when he arrived at the hotel and was told that he’d be rooming with KJ (apparently the girls needed adjoining suites for their teams to help them get ready together), it took considerable energy not to explode. He knew it was completely fair – after all, this trip was on the _Riverdale_ account, and they shouldn’t have to accommodate him and Lili. Still, not seeing her rankled him, and when he walked into his suite, he gruffly ignored KJ, who was happily munching on room service fries. He plonked himself in bed, eventually settling into a fitful, oft-disturbed sleep.

The following day passed by in a blur. He met up and hung out with Dylan, which helped lift his mood, and texted Lili throughout the day, and before he knew it, he was due back at NBC Studios to get ready for the show.

Backstage at the Tonight Show was a brilliant mess, and it briefly reminded him of why he enjoyed working in television. The Roots, hip-hop legends and the Tonight Show’s house band, were ruling the roost like kings, while the Cyrus family and their entourage made him momentarily nostalgic for his Disney days. If he hadn't been so sullen, he probably would have enjoyed it a little bit more. Instead, he spent most of the time sitting in companionable silence with KJ, occasionally ducking out for a smoke with Dylan, and wondering when Lili would arrive.

By 3.30 PM, Cole was in a mild panic, wondering why he couldn't find her anywhere. The usual call time for guests of the show was 3.15 PM, and he still hadn't spotted her. At one point he saw Madelaine rushing past, which meant the girls had arrived. When he tried to talk to her, however, she blurted out, “Can't! I'm looking for my shoes!”

A crew member soon appeared at his side to usher him quickly to the green room to film a web exclusive for the Tonight Show. He was so tired and churlish that he barely had time to react when he walked into the room and finally, _finally_ saw Lili - a vision in red and black - talking animatedly with Dylan.

The room felt drained of air and charged with pure voltage. He felt energy coursing through his body as he fought off every urge to scoop her up in his arms, kiss her senseless and carry her off and out of the studio. He began to approach her, but was quickly overtaken by one of the stage managers, who clapped his hands together to get their attention.

“Right, do we have everyone here? Okay, so Lili, we need you to hold these cards and read the descriptions out - the rest of you just need to pick the person that each description applies to.” The cast nodded along. “Smile, interact with each other, and most importantly, have fun! Alright? Okay, can we have everyone sitting on the couch, please?”

Cole grabbed Lili’s hand, perhaps a little roughly, as she made her way to the couch. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she said, her eyes registering surprise at the sudden, desperate devotion of the gesture. She gave him a questioning look. “You okay?”

“Okay, _Riverdale_ cast, places!”

Cole groaned inwardly and took a spot next to Lili on the end of the couch. He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “You think they'll notice if you and I just took off?”

She giggled, then gave him a stern look. “You know, Cole, I think they might,” she replied in mock seriousness. “But then again, you could probably argue that the commercials stated that the CAST of _Riverdale_ would be on. They never actually mentioned WHICH members of the cast. So technically, if we're talking legal obligation…”

He shook his head, grumpy and glowering. “Don't tempt me.” Lili gave him a sympathetic look and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He looked up and saw Dylan behind the film crew, who grinned at the two of them and mouthed one word silently at his twin: “whipped.” Cole sneered at him.

The web exclusive was filmed quickly, with Cole switching seamlessly into professional mode. At one point, he propped himself up on the arm of the couch and Lili casually rested her arm on his leg, all too aware of his peevish mood. After her extended absence, the small gesture steadied and reassured Cole.

“Alright, cut! Thanks, guys.”

Lili stood up, but Cole was quick; he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in to hug her, burying his face in her stomach. She was surprised, but brought her hand up to run her fingers gently through his hair. “Hey, stranger,” she said. “You okay there?”

Cole mumbled something unintelligible.

“Leave him, he’s being a fucking baby, Lils,” Dylan called out from across the room. KJ laughed. Lili rolled her eyes at them while Cole gave them the finger, his head still burrowed into her waist.

Lili gave his head one last affectionate ruffle before disentangling herself to rush off for final touch-ups. Cole saw her once more, briefly, just before the show began, when she came over to catch up with Dylan. As annoyed as he was that they couldn't be alone, it filled him with quiet pride that he had a girlfriend that his brother not only approved of, but got along with.

As filming began, so too did Cole’s internal countdown - he had mere hours left before he had her all to himself. He was far too tired, far too gone to bring himself to care about how his ardor made him look. At one point during a commercial break, she looked over to him with a small, flirtatious smile playing on her lips, and he couldn't help it - he casually sauntered over, pulling her into his arms as she leaned into his embrace. He tucked his head against hers and kissed the hollow of her temple. She tilted her head up to whisper something to him.

“Cole?”

“Mmm.”

“You smell good.”

“Thanks. It's my natural musk.”

Lili chuckled. The stage manager began the countdown to their next shot. He hesitatingly began to let go, but she held on for a fraction longer.

“Cole?”

“Yes?”

A brief pause. “I'm hungry.”

Cole burst out laughing. “Just a little longer, babe,” he muttered into her cheek, before letting go. It was for her as much as it was for him. He willed himself to patience as they prepared for their last interview.

…

Dylan sat on one end of the green room couch as Cole packed his stuff up. KJ was elsewhere backstage, and given that they barely saw each other, Cole was grateful to have a few quiet moments with his brother.

Dylan was scrolling mindlessly through his phone when he piped up. “Cole.”

“Yeah.”

He put his phone down. “So… this is going to sound a bit lame and, you know, mawkish, but…” He cleared his throat. This was weird for both of them. “You really love Lili, don’t you?”

Cole scoffed. It felt trivial to say yes. He looked at Dylan, who understood.

“So… are you going to do anything about it?”

“What do you mean, am I gonna do anything about it?”

“Well… you know,” Dylan looked at him, a little surprised that he didn't catch his drift. “You were kind of a mess without her earlier.”

“I was?”

Dylan laughed. “KJ asked me if you were on your period.”

“How original.”

“I told him no, but then again I've heard that being on the pill can be a real bitch, so as the male twin I've learned to steer clear.”

Cole guffawed, then aimed a crumpled piece of paper at Dylan’s head. He missed. “Shit aim, baby brother,” Dylan gloated.

“Yeah, well I was blinded by the light bouncing of your flowing golden tresses.”

“Don't be jealous now.”

“I’m sorry, but did _Seventeen_ magazine call your hair ‘a thing of beauty’? I think not.”

“Ha! Lils actually sent me that article.”

“I remember. The two of you _feasted_ on that in the group chat for days.”

They both laughed and fell quiet. The kind of quiet that only twin brothers could share. Dylan looked over at Cole. “I’m crazy about her, Dyl.”

“Yeah, I know. I can tell. She’s pretty great.”

“She’s the best.”

“And so this is what I’m saying.” Dylan stood and pulled up a chair closer to Cole. Cole called this his Alpha Brother move. Whenever it came out to play, it meant that Dylan was about to hand down some serious advice.

“Really? You’re going Alpha Brother?”

“Yeah, I’m going Alpha Brother. But I’ll make it quick.” Dylan ran his hand through hair and looked directly at his twin. “Do not. Fuck. This. Up.”

Cole rolled his eyes. “Jesus. Thanks for the vote of confidence, man.”

“No. I mean, for _you._ Don't fuck this up for yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

Dylan cocked an eyebrow at his brother. “What are you like without her, Cole?”

Cole thought of the previous two nights. The lack of sleep. The prickling anxiety. The inexplicable ache. “Pretty fucking sad, I'll admit.”

“Yeah. I believe I got a text message 3 am Vancouver time asking me what my favourite cereal was.”

“Well, in fairness, I had to know. Is it still Frosted Flakes? Or have you now been converted to Honey Nut Cheerios? Actually, you never replied to me.”

“I thought you were drunk, to be honest.”

“Nah, just embarrassingly miserable.”

“And what about Lili?”

“What about her?”

“Well, does _she_ know what you're like? And what's she like when _you_ leave? You're like the _enfant terrible_ of the fashion world now, how does she feel when you have to go?”

Cole opened his mouth to reply, then halted himself. He wasn’t sure that they ever had a real conversation about it. _Lili is super chill though,_ he thought to himself. They had a routine: she was usually in bed when he left, he'd text her when he landed, and she was happy to see him when he came back. She usually left him to his own devices during shoots, preferring to give him space to focus on his work. And he loved her for that.

But he did wonder sometimes what it was like for her. To say goodbye to him so often, when they were the closest thing to family for each other in Vancouver. A jarring image suddenly flashed through his mind of Lili alone at the apartment, doing exactly what he did 24 hours before: refusing to sleep in the bed, choosing the couch over the mocking emptiness of his side. His heart twinged at the thought of her leaning her head on the throw pillows, waiting for a text message, falling asleep, then waking up to no-one.

“Cole? You're kind of leaving me hanging here.”

Dylan’s voice snapped Cole out of his thoughts. He glanced at his brother. “I mean, she knows it's my job,” he began. “But… to be honest, I haven't really asked her.”

“Well, can I be frank with you? You sure as shit need to start asking her soon. Because if she's even half as bad as you are when she's not within arm’s reach, I'd say that this is the real deal for both of you, and in that case, you have some serious thinking to do.”

“What the hell? Are you telling me to propose?”

“Dude, no! I'm just saying, what were you planning on doing after Vancouver? After _Riverdale_? Do you still want her in your life?”

“Yeah, I do,” he replied firmly. He had never been so sure of anything in his life.

“Then do yourself a favour and start acting like you want to make it happen. Don't let yourselves just figure it out and wing it along the way. Because this thing that you two have? It's... epic.”

Cole looked down at his hands, turning this over in his mind.

“Look, I know you're smart enough that you won't let this go. You're way too happy for that.”

“I am.”

“What I'm saying is, make it tangible. Start imagining it beyond the confines of your little bubble, beyond tomorrow.” Dylan leaned forward in his seat. “Start making it _real_ , Cole.”

Cole was silent. His brother sat back in the chair, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don't know, does any of that make sense?”

A million images were flashing through Cole’s mind. Lili at the audition, her earphones plugged in. On the balcony of Debby’s place, watching the sunset, laughing with him. On the Riverdale set, her eyes steely and focused and avoiding his, right before their first onscreen kiss. In his Jeep, her arm hanging out of the window, her hand making waves in the wind. At Coachella, dancing freely and without a care in the world. In Antelope Valley, among the poppies. In the morning, asleep in his arms.

“Yeah,” he said finally, smiling. “It does.”

...

Cole was standing outside the girls’ dressing room. Camila and Madelaine had already gone ahead to eat, and Lili was the last to get cleaned up. He stepped in just as she slipped her jacket on. She perked up when she saw him. “Hey,” she said, smiling as they made eye contact through the mirror.

“Hey,” he said, standing a little away from her, looking at her reflection in wistful marvel. As beautiful as she was earlier, this was his favourite Lili – casual, freshly scrubbed, unadorned, purely her. “You got a second?”

Lili turned around. “Always.” She tugged playfully on the front of his shirt to pull him closer. “But first –“ She tilted her head up, smiling, and pulled him down for a swift, sweet kiss. “Okay, now I’m good. What’s up?”

He seated himself on one of the bar stools in the room. In his head, he could hear Dylan’s voice. Start making it real, Cole. He took a deep breath. “So, uh, I’m not sure if you were fully aware of this, but… I was sort of fucked up these past 48 hours or so.”

“Really, now?” Lili smiled mischievously, wanting him to elaborate. “And what did those 48 hours happen to coincide with?”

“Well, obviously, you were away. I was a mess without you.”

“Aw, I know. I missed you, too, Cole.”

“No, you don't understand. This wasn’t just… _that_.” He shook his head. “Look, I’m just gonna be real vulnerable here, okay? I was actually pretty anxious while you were gone.”

Lili’s eyes immediately filled with concern. “You were?”

“I couldn’t sleep, Lils.” He rubbed his eyes. He was just starting to realise how exhausted he still was. “That first night, my body literally just folded from exhaustion after staying up all night. I couldn’t fall asleep in bed, because you weren’t there. It just didn’t feel right.”

Lili sighed in sympathy. Her hand reached around and caressed the back of his neck. She always did that when he felt tense. He reached up and intertwined his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips before holding them in his own, tucked firmly against his chest.

“To be honest, it got me thinking. And I’m probably the shittiest boyfriend in the world not to have figured this out sooner, but… while you were gone, I realised that I go away a lot. I’m gone for whole weekends. For shoots and stuff. And of course I miss you then, but I’ve got the work to keep me busy, you know? But, for you…”

“Cole, let me stop you there, okay? You are _amazing_ at what you do. And I love it. Seriously. I never, ever want you to apologize for being away on a shoot, for doing your job. If I've ever indicated otherwise, I'm --”

Cole cut in. “Lils, no. This isn’t about that. I know you support me. Trust me, I know that. But, babe, you gotta be honest with me.” He used his free hand to pull her closer so that she was flush against his body. “How I felt when you were away, what it was like for me... is that… does that bear any resemblance to what it’s like for you when I’m gone?”

“Cole, I –“

“Just… please?”

Lili sighed. She was silent for a few moments, as if she was weighing something in her mind. “Okay. You know those nights when I’m basically texting you a play-by-play of whatever shitty movie I’m watching?”

“Yeah? By the way, your in-depth analysis of _Dirty Grandpa_ was a thing of beauty.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” she said, laughing. “Yeah, well, it's not just my attempt at being Roger Ebert. It’s my way of keeping you around without… you know, being all clingy and sad.”

Cole nodded. It made sense. Still, his heart clenched at the image – the TV’s neon blare reflecting off Lili’s face as she watched one terrible movie after another, clutching sleepily at her phone, just like he did, waiting for him to call.

She continued. “Look, Cole, really… I’m fine. Honestly. I just… I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got this tragic figure waiting for you back in Vancouver, you know? I want you to be free to pursue your passion, because it’s one of the things I love about you. But obviously, sometimes…” she trailed off.

“Sometimes…?”

She tangled her fingers in his hair, one hand playing with his stubborn forelock. “Have you ever read _The Alchemist_?” she asked.

“Once, ages ago.”

“I loaned it recently from the library. And there’s this part in it, when Santiago – you remember him, right? The protagonist?” Cole nodded. “Well, Santiago meets this woman, Fatima, at a desert oasis, and they fall in love. Only problem is, he's about to go on a quest for his treasure.”

“Because of what a gypsy told him, right?”

“Right. So she’s seen all these women around her losing their men to the desert and she realises that she'll be one of them now. That she's gonna have to stay back and wait as well. And she's amazing. She’s so strong and resilient, but still, she cries. Santiago asks her why. And her reply was this - ‘ _I am a woman of the desert, but above all, I'm a woman.”_

Cole started to interrupt, but Lili stopped him.

“I know you have to go away sometimes, Cole. And I want you to. Your work…” She stopped to take a deep breath. “Do you know that sometimes, when I see your work, I actually get emotional?” Cole smiled at that. “I’m serious. It’s because I know where it's coming from. I know that it comes from a deep place of passion and joy and that it basically saved you from a dark place. So when you go on shoots, you take all of that with you. It feeds you. It energizes you. And so… even though I feel lonely when you go, and I watch awful movies and eat terrible food, it makes me happy. Because it makes _you_ happy.”

“But, Lils,” he interjected. “Can’t you see that I don’t want that? I don’t want a reality where your happiness is an after-effect of mine. I don’t want that damn desert woman metaphor. Or, okay, maybe I want it, but you need to understand that it works both ways. Because I'm not the only one going out to the desert, and you're not the only one waiting. We're _both_ going. We're _both_ waiting. I’ve got my own stuff to chase, but Lils, look at you. You’re on your own ascent. And honestly? I am fucking here for it.”

Lili smiled at that, a little shyly. “Thanks.” She cupped his face in her hands. “So… what? What are we saying here, Cole?”

“What I’m saying is…” He paused and let out a breath. “These last 48 hours have been hellish, but that won’t be the last time that I can’t get to sleep without you. And let’s face it, _Dirty Grandpa_ ’s not gonna be your last shitty movie commentary, either.”

Lili laughed at that. “No, it won’t.”

“It’s just how our lives are, you know? We’ll both be coming and going, in and out of Vancouver, all the time. And normally, I’m used to it. I’m a nomad. I’ve lived everywhere and I’ve never been afraid to be alone and unsettled and adrift. But… here’s the thing.” He leaned in, his forehead against hers, their eyes locked into each other’s. “I’ve never felt homesick before. Not until now. Not until you.”

Time stood still as he watched Lili take this in. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Because you’re home to me, Lili.”

He could almost feel it sinking into her, her sharp intake of breath, her eyes misting over. “Look, I honestly don’t know what life will be like for us, post- _Riverdale_. I can’t promise you anything. All I know is… wherever you are, whether it's Vancouver or LA or New York or fucking Timbuktu, I want to live in that sphere. And wherever my path takes me, I want to know that I can turn right around and follow it back to you.”

Silence. She kept her eyes down. He panicked slightly. Was this all too much for her? “Is that… are you okay with that?”

Lili looked up at him, her green eyes shining with tears, and the resolution of an unspoken vow. She didn’t say anything. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with a passion that left nothing uncertain. _I love you,_ it said, as her lips parted to meet his. _I miss you,_ it uttered, as her teeth caught his lower lip. _I want you,_ it declared, as she broke off - to his dismay - only to have her pull him down to her neck. His breath was rapid on her bared shoulder, his mouth leaving a trail of warmth.

When they finally broke apart, Cole felt emptied - of everything she had taken from him, every ounce of himself that he had promised to her. She smiled up at him, and in that moment he swore that her beauty was a madness he would refuse to recover from. _So this is making it real._ He smiled back. He was exhilarated. Maybe Alpha Brother was right, after all.

He rubbed her back. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I am,” she replied. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Cole grinned. “I do. I love you, too.” He pulled her in for an embrace. They stayed like that for a while. They could hear the sounds of packing up outside - footsteps hurrying past, people yelling out their goodbyes - but they were in no hurry. Finally, she leaned in to whisper something in his ear.

“Cole?”

“Yep.”

“I'm still hungry.”

He burst out laughing. “We’ll find you something to eat. Did you wanna do anything after? We might have a bit of time before the flight.”

“Nah, I'm good.” Her gaze softened as she looked at him. She pressed one last kiss on his lips. “Let’s go home, Cole.”

…

_Ding_.

The seatbelt signs were finally switched off. Cole pulled off his headphones and grabbed a blanket to cover himself with - another attempt at sleep.

The first class pods they'd been given for the flight back were an unexpected luxury. But for Cole, they were a necessity. He needed to stretch out so that he could comfortably doze off. As the lights dimmed for the darker portion of the flight, he started the process of willing himself to fall asleep.

Lili was in the pod next to him. Looking at her, his heart was full. Who knew what would come out of the conversation they had earlier? All he knew was that there was a shift in the air between them. Neither of them had any idea what the next year would bring, but he’d at least told her what she now meant to him. And that was a step in the right direction.

He was startled when he looked up and saw that she'd left her seat. He didn't expect to see her when he turned back around. Or for her to yank off his blanket so suddenly (“Hey, my security!” he half-yelled. Camila gave them both a funny look before shrugging and getting back to her magazine). Or to sit herself in his lap, bury her head on his chest, and pull the blanket back over them. He gave her a bemused look.

“Alright. Are we really doing this?”

Lili smirked. “Sure, fuck it. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” He smiled when he recognised the line - it was his. It was from their conversation at Debby’s place, when he first told her how he felt for her.

“Seriously though, Lils, this can't be comfortable for you. I mean, it's a big pod, but how do you expect --”

“Just shut up and close your eyes, Cole.”

He smiled at that. He loved it when she bossed him around. Slowly but surely, he felt his limbs getting heavy and his eyelids drooping with fatigue. Having her there really made all the difference. He relaxed, and soon all the anxiety that had tightened his body earlier was now slowly melting away in her warmth.

His last lucid thought before surrendering to rest was this: right up there in the air, hovering somewhere between New York and Vancouver, he felt at peace. And as he looked down at Lili snoozing in his arms (he envied her ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime so quickly), he knew that it was all because of her. This was all that he needed. _She_ was all that he needed.

They were hours away from any city he had ever lived in, but Cole knew the truth: he was finally home.  
  
  
  
  


 


End file.
